In my personal writing process, creating has both joy and anxiety. One could say it’s self imposed mental weather, but I find the experience closer to having faith in a landscape I’ve hardly imagined. Tripping over letters, falling in love word by word, each sentence is a road that hasn’t been paved yet until I take the step and it appears just enough to catch my feet, but I don’t look down! I trust… Being intimate with a beautiful thought itself as I let it be… (with later edits and fine tuning of course 😉 ). The relationship is in every sense of the word “blooming” like a flower, like butterflies, wings, minds, and sounds.
“I’m a rebel soul.. Soul Rebel! I’m a capturer!! Soul Adventurer!!!” – Bob Marley, Soul Rebel.
And the second I finish, I take my first look back… I’M BLOWN AWAY. Again, before you jump and assume I’m super egotistical, I’m blown away not by myself, but what is revealed – a muse, something inside me, something given to me, that remains secret even to me simply until it’s not. I imagine when a painter takes the final step back and looks at the entirety of what he/she just did, it’s almost as if it’s no longer theirs any more. It is complete. It is of you, but it is not you. It is it’s own.
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.” – The Prophet, by Kahil Gibran.
Most of what I write, I post on my blog and offer to the cosmic internet, because optimism and creativity can make a person feel mad in this world that puts such a high price on fading into static. The art and discipline of stretching the spirit under the skin is so devalued by the standards of pop culture. I want my kindred hearts to know in my own nakedness of word that they’re not alone, I see the same light and too hunger for existential meaning. This world is rushing so fast it only has time for its libido. I dream of a revival of renaissance, a society that defines beauty in the outward and inward transcendence of mind and heart. I am not alone in this dream, we are few but growing fast.
Inspiration doesn’t come without doubt. In fact, doubt has so far betrayed my inspiration every single time I’ve written. As Oscar Wilde puts it, “People always destroy what they love most.” For me, it hits the second before I have to put my work out there. Instantly, bolts of lightning and then a flash flood bursts into the landscape of my consciousness, “What am I doing? I’m not qualified to have ideas! I’m the ridiculous one fussing with words. How dare I! Who am I to think such things!!” It can be terrifying to bring something I love from a private realm to a public one. Maybe it won’t feel like that one day.
So how do I defend my lush paradise? I’ll admit now, it’s not purely for the sake of encouraging others to honor the light inside them that says, “We could have a beautiful future now…”
I remember the feeling of freedom when I write. I remember the second release of freedom again when I crush that button “submit.” That’s the point. Despite any kind of fear I might have about what people will think, the act of committing myself to this kind of vulnerability is rebelliously, genuinely, self-validating and personal. Imagine you could use your mind, heart, and spirit like an acrylic spray can to make your intangible inside splat on to the physical, “I was here. I felt, I thought, I created. However temporary my impression is, I know people are capable of loving on humanity and pouring their heart out so THAT’S what I DID.” To roam the emotional and mental space, the higher plane, and my deepest depths, is to be true to more if not all the features of freedom (that’s self-validating). And I don’t mean in the shallow sense of the word validating, I mean if my purpose was a bowl, I’ll filled it up with good food. To expose myself and spark some human resonance (that’s personal). Peace and love is not only benign, it is rebellious! Grace and elegance too, when it means standing for something, is rebellious.
“I’ll tell you what freedom is to me, no fear. I mean really no fear. If I could have that half of my life… lot’s of children have no fear. That’s the only way I can describe it. That’s not all of it, but it is something to really, really feel… Like a new way of seeing something. ” – Nina Simone, Interview
It’s a form of rebellion to convey:
1) Look, these are my thoughts and my vibration.
2) I’m intentional with it.
3) I value my own human merit in the scheme of any great artist, writer, philosopher, theorizer, past or present, etc.”
As a woman, and a minority, it’s a powerful freedom for me that I can’t bare to waste. People talk about hunger, like don’t waste food, there’s a lot of hungry people out there. The same goes for freedom. Don’t waste your freedom, there’s a lot of people that aren’t free out there, restrained by law or society, shackled in the mind, boxed up in the heart, or immobilized by fear. When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Let freedom Ring” I think he meant let it vibrate, resonate, and penetrate into the soul of man. Let it shake your foundation into it’s full effect and purpose. How many ways can you be free? Can you imagine it? If you’re free but you don’t know it, are you really free?
It’s also a form of rebellion to be personal in this society.
Sure everyone’s on social media, including me. No duh, promoting Reading Vessel is somewhere in the math of my plans, but what I’m REALLY talking about is letting people in like, “Yes! I am one person out of billions of people on this planet, and as small as I am in comparison to the whole of the world, I am legit some reflection of humanity. And it’s ok, it’s beautiful to be outwardly authentic. I dare to choose it.”
Under every reality is another reality waiting to happen.
Dream with me for a second! WHAT IF everyone in the whole world felt free to be outwardly authentic? It would be an inspired atmosphere, a creative and self-fueling leap, a collective of people in time functioning as if they had wings. That’s evolution for the best. The evolution of mankind, I believe, has to involve our brains increasing in the area of spiritual/emotional intelligence as a Darwinian instinct to save ourselves by ironically saving and favoring each other and the planet we live in – to know what is interconnected and special about ourselves and value everything so much that we actively preserve it is to be proactive in insuring a viable future. That means understanding for us to continue inhabiting Earth, love and peace must be recognized as a natural power source in reversing all the damage we’ve done already.
If I could achieve that freedom in myself… to be outwardly authentic… If I could honor that capacity in myself… so can other people and maybe it’s contagious. Sure, it’s a crazy idea. Am I on some “We are the World” / “Kumbaya” shit? Maybe, but it’s the kind of crazy underdog future reality that frankly, I want to bet on.
One of the things I’ve learned this year is that when you know yourself intimately, when you honor your mind, when you are personal, and when you see people as people, they really fucking appreciate it. Strangers will open up to you on a kindred level of trust that kicks the butt of monotonous interactions. I’ve met so many strangers this year and heard so many powerful stories. All those people have become lessons and teachers. People to people… it’s the goal… it’s the point. Make the transaction of spirits something of beauty and see what happens in your life and in the people around you. Watch how everything turns into blessings to learn, receive, sit with, let go, and multiply. In the spirit of personal “madness” a.k.a freedom or the crazy underdog future reality, bet on yourself and bet on other people.
“The Lion Song” is an original piece written by Darls V